No Control

Things had been going pretty well. I was meditating daily, keeping a record of my distractions and negative thoughts. I was attending mindfulness workshops, paying attention to my relationships. I was feeling good, my experiments were working, and my data was looking interesting.

Then one morning I finished analysing the next batch of data and something didn’t quite fit. I didn’t know how to explain anything anymore. In short, it was all a mess.

I thought that all my hard work on myself was the explanation for my happiness. But in a matter of minutes, I realised that was bullshit. The main reason for my happiness had been my data. Once I realised that the “quality” of my work was on a down turn, my mood swiftly followed.

I really don’t know what else to do to protect myself from bad days.

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